The Magnificent Mixie

I'm a slut for hardware.

Sexy sleek black electronic devices. Power tools of every description. A beautifully restored vintage car. All these things make me just a little weak in the knees. Freshly released testosterone courses through the veins, racing to stimulate the pleasure centers labeled "Apple", "Sony", and "DeWalt" in my crudely wired reptilian brain. No device, however, has brought the kind of joy that I have received from the purchase of a genuine Indian mixie. The mixie has rocked my world. I now walk through the markets secure in the knowledge that I could pretty much blend any damn thing I see into a base for a fine curry.

I decided to put the new hardware to work the morning after purchase. It was about 8:30 AM, and as I was contemplating what to make for the evening meal, my mobile phone rang. It was my friend Rajesh. "What are your plans for the market today?", he politely enquired. Before I could respond at length, he said "We are going Vypeen to get some crabs. Do you want to come?" Duh... Laurel had some work to do, so I grabbed Emma, Miles, Isaac, and my green plastic crab bucket, and we walked the half a block to Rajesh's house, where he was waiting with his daughter and three nieces and nephews. As we were piling into the car, his business partner Gee pulled up on a beautiful Royal Enfield motorbike, with his two daughters hanging off the back. It's very common to see entire families of four or five riding on the same motorcycle. Our little convoy headed for Vypeen Island in search of crustaceans. Quest for crab!

Rajesh and Gee knew several little hole in the wall shops that sold live crabs, but our first five stops yielded nothing but directions to the next shop. After about 40 minutes of driving and searching, we finally struck gold. In a little unmarked shop well off the main road, several wicker baskets were laid out on the floor. A rusty balance beam scale occupied a beat up old wooden table. The biggest crabs are called "mud crabs", and they go for about 750 Rs. per kilo. They are monsters, and can weigh 2.5 kilos easily. The next size down goes for about 200 Rs. per kilo. I prefer these ones, as they are a little sweeter, and they are not so huge as to require a hammer to break up the claws. It took about 9 or 10 crabs to make up my 3 kg order, and I whistled a very happy tune on the way back to the car. All told, we bought about 2,000 Rs worth of crab between the three of us.

Once home, I hatched a plan that would bring together several of the techniques I had learned over the last few months. I would make a coconut crab curry! After dropping off a kilo of crabs as a gift for my landlord, Stanley, who lives next door, I set to work immediately. First, I boiled up a bunch of salt water and cooked the crabs in two batches for about 8 or ten minutes. Then I let them cool. I grabbed a coconut (a gift from Gee's farm), peeled off the tuft at the end, and bonked it open with a rolling pin. Then things got pretty old school. I sat on the floor and grated all the coconut onto a plate using our manual shredder. This yielded about a cup and a half of fresh, shredded coconut. By the time I was done, the crabs were cooled enough to clean. I popped the shell off of each one, and discarded the greyish gills. I was careful to reserve all the liquid inside the shells, as well as the purplish and orange fatty head innards and any dense red roe that I could find. This gets added to the curry later, and makes for huge flavour. Chop the little bodies in half, discard the teeny legs, and the crabs were prepped.

Next came the inaugural use of the mixie. You could use a blender for this, or even a food processor, but a mixie is made for curry. I tossed in:

all the grated coconut
4 small chopped red onions (1 1/2 cups or so), (Indian red onions are smaller than North American ones, and look like a very large shallot)
8 small shallots,
2 inch piece of ginger chopped up,
3 green chilies, chopped,
3 tsp red chili powder
1 tsp turmeric,
1 tsp coriander powder,
1 tsp ground black pepper,
1 tsp cumin seeds
1 stalk of curry leaves,
6 cloves of garlic,
1 tsp salt
1/4 cup water

Grind this to a nice smooth paste, adding a little water if necessary.

Next, grab a walnut sized piece of tamarind, and soak it in about a cup or so of warm water. Squeeze it a few times to break it up, and after a few minutes, you should be able to remove any seeds or twigs that are contained within. Nearly every curry has some sort of "souring agent", such as yoghurt, lime juice, tamarind, or "kokum (fish tamarind)". Getting the balance of hot, sweet, salty, and sour flavours just right in a curry takes a little practice, but it's an art worth mastering!

In a pan large enough to hold all the crab pieces, add a few tablespoons of coconut oil or vegetable oil. Coconut oil is best. When the oil has heated up, add 1 tbsp of black mustard seeds. When they start to pop, add 10 or 12 fresh curry leaves and stir. Add the ground paste and fry it over medium heat until the spices are aromatic and the oil runs clear. Toss in the crab pieces and stir to cover the crab in the sauce. Add the tamarind water and pulp. Add the reserved crab juice and roe. Gently stir to combine, adding a little water if needed to smooth out the sauce. Taste and correct for salt. Let the mixture simmer for a couple of minutes over low heat.

You should be rewarded with pretty much the best damn curry you've every tasted. We were pretty pleased. After dinner, I was so pleased that I bundled a little bit of crab and sauce into a dish and marched next door to Stanley's house. He answered the door clad in his lunghi and beaded with sweat. He too, was in the middle of a crab feast. He ushered me in and sat me down at the table. He did a little sniff test, then a lick, and finally tucked into a claw. "Good!" he grunted, looking very pleased. A plate of crab appeared before me. It was his wife's version, and it would have been rude to say no, so I took one for the team and chowed down, despite being already filled with enough crab to start my own aquarium. It was pretty good, although I have to say that I preferred ours! Shameless egotism. Gigi surprised me by tasting the sauce I made and rattling off every ingredient in my curry! She said that it was good, but fell just short of being "traditional". This is an attitude that we have encountered here before. If it's not exactly how your mom made it, it's not exactly right! I was undeterred. Stanley's enthusiastic slurps and grunts, combined with the fact that Emma was still at the table searching bits of shell for the last bit of crabmeat and sauce was enough to convince me of the success of this particular recipe!

I love my hardware. Batteries not included.